Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Director:  Steven Spielberg

Starring: Harrison Ford, Ray Winstone, Cate Blanchett, Shia LaBeouf, Karen Allen

The fourth adventure featuring Indiana Jones was another of those will they/won't they films which has been rumoured since the completion of the Last Crusade some twenty years ago. Harrison Ford was reported to say if Spielberg had not settled on a story by 2008, it should be left alone for good so, clearly not wanting to miss an opportunity, a David Koepp script based on George Lucas's story was chosen and Indiana Jones's 50's adventure was go. The Russians replace the Germans and the Cold War provides the setting for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, in which Indy is forced to assist the Ruskie's in uncovering the secrets of the legendary skulls and their link to El Dorado, the lost city of gold.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's first act is certainly the best, Indy is re-introduced as he arrives at Area 51 in the Nevada desert to assist Cate Blanchett's commie tyrant in finding a mummified corpse hidden in a giant warehouse. He's joined by his sidekick Ray Winstone, who quickly becomes another pal who is really working for the other side...or is he...and we're soon watching a typical Indy set piece as he escapes from the Ruskie's clutches. All is well at this point, we've had the hat, the whip and amusing references to old adventures, but then he survives a nuclear blast by hiding inside a fridge.

That disregard for reality sets the tone for the remainder of the film. Instead of an exciting, twisting plot just the right side of unbelievable, we get a boring, linear story line relayed in tedious clumps of incoherent dialogue, all sounding like the archeological equivalent of Star Trek's techno-babble, coupled with the sight of Indy becoming as indestructible as John McClane and a T-1000 combined. When the cast are not speaking the clearly Lucas-penned nonsense, they're taking part in the soulless action sequences. Although sword fighting across two moving vehicles may sound exciting, it just wasn't, and neither was escaping killer ants (really) or wandering around identi-kit sets avoiding clichéd natives.

But none of this is as bad as Harrison Ford's mugging to the camera. Gone was that roguish charm that made the Jones character such a winner, replaced instead by feeble jokes, out-of-character tics - the speech when they get stuck in the quicksand for example - and a total loss of his sense of wonder when things got strange. And they got very strange indeed, as the Crystal Skull belongs to an alien! But none of this fazes Indy as he plods on towards the finale of A.I. which had somehow got stapled over the end of Indy 4's script. Any fearful respect of powers greater than us, which made Raiders more thrilling and believable, was entirely missing from the Scooby-Doo meets the X-files final act.

Aside from Harrison following the plot's megawatt A-B beacons we have John Hurt's gibbering madman, Cate Blanchett's wobbly accented baddie, Karen Allen's throw-away reprise of Marion Ravenwood and Shia LaBeouf's Mutt, whose good performance and first act motorcycle chase - which was the movie's best - was spoiled by his later transformation into Tarzan. Add in a car attacked by monkeys helping our heroes, some less than impressive CGI and spark-free direction from Spielberg and you've got a film which is a crushing disappointment.

It's not to say the film is so awful you cannot sit through it, but expectations have to be kept in check. Don't expect Raiders, the Last Crusade or even Temple of Doom, forget this features a much-loved character and set something like Sahara as the benchmark and you may gain some satisfaction, however if you thought George Lucas should never have picked up a pen again after The Phantom Menace, or would prefer to keep your memories of what has passed clean and unsullied, don't see this. In fact, let's just put this down to experience and pretend it didn't really happen at all.